Can I Save My Marriage? When to Walk Away After Infidelity

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Our most popular services for private clients are cheating partner investigations. It can be a challenge to know when to walk away after infidelity because there’s often a lack of clarity in these situations. Thankfully, hiring a private investigator can give you the necessary facts to make an informed decision. Let’s take a look at your options.

Knowing for Sure

It’s one thing to know that you have an unfaithful partner, but having suspicions is a different beast entirely. Our experts have put together a list of warning signs to look out for when you think you have a cheating spouse. If you’ve noticed these signs, what can you do to move forward?

One option is to ask your spouse. Typically, red flags for cheating are some form of unexplained behaviour. By asking your partner what is going on, you may get to the bottom of the situation. However, we don’t ordinarily recommend this as a course of action because if your partner is cheating, there’s a high probability that they’ll lie to you.

Another option is to attempt an investigation yourself. You could check through their social media, examine their texts, or try to stake them out. This is also ill-advised. Not only might you jump to conclusions from inconclusive evidence, but you could also be discovered and seriously anger your partner.

It’s probably unsurprising, but we believe the best course of action is to enlist professional help. Hiring a private investigator to investigate infidelity will remove the need for confrontation while minimising the risk of being found out. A PI offers the best chance of confirming or denying your suspicions.

I Have Proof of Cheating, Now What?

So, either through outright confession or through some information gathering, you have proof of cheating. What should you do now? First, it’s probably worthwhile understanding a bit more about infidelity and its root cause.

Understanding Infidelity

If you’re in a committed relationship, cheating is often a symptom of a broader problem. Although occasionally they’ll have genuine feelings for the person they cheat with, in our experience, it’s more likely that your partner is acting out of dissatisfaction with your relationship.

Emotional affairs are slightly different. This is when someone is emotionally involved with someone else to an unacceptable level. They may discuss extremely private things with them that they refuse to share with you. They may have strong feelings for someone else without ever committing any physical acts of cheating.

In many ways, this can be a lot more hurtful than more straightforward acts of cheating.  It’s implied that the cause of the affair is not just dissatisfaction but genuine feelings for the other person.

We’d argue that it’s just as likely for an emotional affair to indicate marital issues as a more standard affair. Each suggests that your cheating partner is seeking something outside the marriage that they are not receiving within the marriage. This is not to suggest that it could ever be someone’s fault that they were cheated on. In some cases, the cheater has truly malicious intent, but it’s essential to recognise the real cause of cheating before we continue.

Re-Establishing Communication

There are no right or wrong answers when it comes to repairing a marriage after infidelity; only you and your partner could possibly know. This makes it incredibly frustrating when neither of you does. If you’re unsure about whether or not you want to fix your marriage, you might want to consider marriage counselling.

Often we find that one major cause of infidelity is a breakdown of communication. The cheater feels they can’t express their needs or wants and so look outside the marriage.

Marriage counselling alone won’t repair your relationship, but it will reopen the lines of communication between you and your spouse if done correctly. Once you’re communicating effectively, it will be easier to know if you can make your relationship work. You may also come to think it’s time to part ways with your husband or wife.

What Are the Chances that My Marriage Will Last After Infidelity?

Although it’s necessary for you and your spouse to communicate effectively, it is only the beginning of a complex process. You will have to spend time and energy working on your relationship. If you aren’t prepared to do this, then the chances of making your marriage work are very slim.

Even if you put in all the necessary time and energy, it doesn’t guarantee success. It would help if you prepared yourself for the possibility that your marriage is unsalvageable. What you must ask yourself is whether you’re willing to go to any lengths to find out. If the answer is no, there is nothing wrong with you, but you must be honest and direct with your partner about your feelings.

Sadly, we can’t advise the correct course of action. The only way to find out is to try your best and listen to your gut.

Deciding to Divorce After Infidelity

If you’re unable to forgive your partner or not prepared to rebuild the trust in your relationship, you might decide it’s time to get a divorce. This is not a moral failing. In fact, the courage and honesty required to make this decision are admirable.

If you decide that a divorce is the right course of action to take, ask your solicitor whether a private investigator’s services can help you. There are countless different ways that divorce investigations can help you, including gathering evidence of infidelity and proving responsibility for the breakdown of the marriage.

Read more about divorce investigations here.

Private Investigations UK provides free, professional advice to everyone looking to investigate marital infidelity. For a friendly chat and an accurate quote, please call 0800 002 0898. Alternatively, please fill out a contact form, and one of our agents will get back to you today.

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